5 reasons not to walk your baby!

5 Reasons not to walk your baby
Well lets just start by saying babies enjoy it right? They smile and coo when we help them get somewhere.
And plus, we should teach them and they need our help right?

1. The truth is when it comes to motor development, babies are self learners. They are hard wired to go from lifting their head, to rolling, to creeping, to hands and knees crawling and finally upright walking. That is, if they get enough floor time to build strength, coordination and organization in their body.
2. When we walk babies we make them less aware and give them a false sense of balance that they have not discovered on their own. They need to test those limits themselves when their bodies are ready.
3. Balance is not attained if we help them, they learn by falling and getting back up again. This builds strength, body awareness and the coordination necessary for them to walk on their own, in their own time and in their own way.
4. it creates an unnecessary dependence on you. Babies are learning to have their own agency with their bodies and learn independence.
5. Saves your back! try doing this 20 times a day, leaning over....ouch. Your back will thank you!

All my toddler says is...NO! ..ugh....

You're not the boss of me

You are not alone if you are going through this! A recent study in Child Development showed that 2- and 3-year-olds argue with their parents 20 to 25 times an hour!

Toddlers are hard wired to go through this developmental stage of learning about themselves. This is a healthy, normal, and and very necessary stage. They need to learn about themselves first, what they like, what they don't like, what their boundaries are, its part of their empowerment as autonomous individuals. They need to test it out with safe adults, that means you!
Sometimes we need to say NO, before we say yes.
So, how to deal with it?

• roll with it
• don't take them too seriously
• acknowledge their no. "I hear you, you don't want to put your pajamas on right now...What would you like to wear to bed?"
• keep your sense of humour: get them into giggle mode, be silly and make them smile or laugh, they will forget their NO.
• Tell your child what you want her to do rather than what you don't want her to do. Focus on what they can do!
• connect with them and try again...for a yes!
• give them choices.."Giving your toddler choices helps satisfy her need to feel in control. "do you want to wear your blue or green pajamas, or a paper bag ;)

Even though this can prove to be very challenging, it is something to be celebrated. Your toddler is individualizing! Coming into themselves!
Just repeat to yourself...."this too shall pass, this too shall pass....!".....

3 Ways to support true independence in your child

3 Ways to support true independence in your child

1.     Encourage their dependence early on. While this may seem counter intuitive, it is the paradox of parenting. We are born extremely dependent on our caregivers to take care of us and fill our needs. The fact is that caregivers who habitually respond to the needs of the baby before the baby gets distressed, preventing crying, are more likely to have children who are independent than the opposite (e.g., Stein & Newcomb, 1994).

Once we have allowed them to depend on us in every way, and filled their cup over and over and over, they will very naturally start to want to do things on their own. “Me do it myself!” is inevitable and it is nature’s way. It’s built into our biology. But first they must be able to rest in our love, rest in being taken fully taken care of.

2.     Trust them: We need to trust our children in their entirety. Trust that they will find their way given the right conditions. When we grow lettuce in our garden from seed, we trust that if we give it the proper soil conditions, the right placement of sun, enough water and love, it will grow into its fullness. We need to learn to trust their failures and successes, their weaknesses and their strengths, their “ugly” emotions and their beautiful ones. We trust they will find their way through it all with support and guidance from us. We can’t “teach” independence, only provide the proper conditions for it to unfold at the right time developmentally.

3.     Know when to back off: It is our job to keep our children safe and protected, but as your child gets older we can invite healthy risk taking. Maybe you refrain from swooping in every time they hurt themselves. Hang back a bit and wait. They might get up on their own and brush themselves off. When we rescue too quickly we deny them the opportunity to see if they can navigate a situation that has some challenge. Let them take risks, how else do they learn what they are capable of, and what the edges are for them? When they do something risky like climb a tree for the first time without us hovering; "I just did that all by myself!",  it builds a sense of confidence and healthy esteem.

When we can do our best to meet their needs, we create an environment of dependence. This creates a feeling of safety, trust and security. This is the secure base from which dependence is outgrown. We need to trust our children and nature's plan. They are developmentally hardwired to naturally move into independence in their own time, in their own way.